My summer reading list includes a few books to help me improve communication skills, both professionally and personally. I just finished absorbing the wisdom in a 2023 book by David Brooks (of the New York Times): How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen (Random House 2023).
I was drawn in by the title. The desire to be deeply seen is particularly present and poignant in the context of palliative care. To see, to hear, to know a person living with serious or life-threatening illness in the fullness of body, mind, and spirit is a priceless gift caregivers can offer. And it requires intention and practice.
Brooks calls someone who embodies the art of seeing deeply an “illuminator.” These people
“have a persistent curiosity about other people. They have been trained or have trained themselves in the craft of understanding others. They know what to look for and how to ask the right questions at the right time. They shine the brightness of their care on people and make them feel bigger, deeper, respected, lit up. “(p. 13)
The book offers practical insights into the qualities of illuminators, and Brooks suggests specific ways we can live into this ideal. This summer, I commit to training myself in “the craft of understanding others.” I invite you to consider how you might take advantage of summer’s slower pace and more time with loved ones to enhance your communication skills.