My teenage son struggles with decision making to the point where he sometimes allows fate to take its course. Which is incredibly challenging for me, a person who tends to make decisions at lightning speed (something he finds frustrating). In my mind as a palliative care social worker, allowing the chips to fall without making a choice about the future seems like a missed opportunity for self-efficacy and autonomy. For those of you in palliative care, you can relate to our strong value toward advance care planning and actively play a role in maximizing quality of life.
To help him with decision making, I purchased a book called “The Overthinker’s Guide to Making Decisions” by Joseph Nguyen (see below for the citation). I assumed, with my decisiveness, that I would not find any pearls that would relate to my personal or professional life. Every night before bed, I read a chapter to him, and we talk about what he had gleaned. While I was reading chapter 6 this evening, the topic was, “what if my decision upsets someone I care about?”. The lesson of this chapter is that to be free to be our true selves and choose what is best for our happiness, we need to let go of the guilt of thinking we are letting others down.
As a person careening toward 60, I have been learning the art of breaking up with over-functioning for my global mental health. There’s a song by Michael Franti called “Break Up With Everything” that has resonated with me. The lyrics reflect on living authentically instead of bending over backwards to be a peacekeeper, a pleaser, and a helper. We can hold both compassion and set boundaries at the same time. Also, Nguyen states that keeping everyone happy is a subconscious attempt to control what you cannot. Read that again: keeping everyone happy is a subconscious attempt to control what you cannot. Whoa, mic drop.
Many of the people living with serious illness have learned this art due to their diagnosis, regardless of their age. They have learned the art of breaking up with pleasing and over-functioning. Serious illness has a way of pushing many people to realize that time is precious, and it gives folks permission to embrace their true selves. I encourage each of you to do the same, whether you have a serious illness or not.
For further investigation:
Nguyen, J. 2025. Chapter 6: What If My Decision Upsets Someone I Care About?, The Overthinker’s Guide to Making Decisions. New York: Authors Equity, Pg 28-32.
Franti, Michael, P Larue and JR Ernster. 2025. Break Up With Everything, Lyrics Sourced from AZLyrics on June 2, 2026. Michael Franti & Spearhead - Break Up With Everything Lyrics | AZLyrics.com
"Break Up With Everything"
Break up with everything
That you don't need, don't need
Throw it into the wind
Throw it into the sea, the sea
If there's love that you lost
Or some roses that dried up
Or something you no longer believe
Just, break up with everything
That you don't need, don't need
I see you from a distance, you gotta know
I've never seen somebody so beautiful
I love all the scars and the stars in your eyes
You said I was the first to realize
All of the pain that you carried around
You don't need to carry now
Break up with everything
That you don't need, don't need
Throw it into the wind
Throw it into the sea, the sea
If it's love that you lost
Or some roses that dried up
Or something you no longer believe
Just, break up with everything
That you don't need, don't need
Even if it's me, even if it's me
Even if it's me, even if it's me
Oh yeah
I love you enough, to let you go
I love you enough, to let you know
I love you enough, to let you go
I love you enough, to let you know
To break up with everything
That you don't need, don't need
Throw it into the wind
Throw it into the sea, the sea
If there's love that you lost
Or some roses that dried up
I hope you find someone you need
That you really need
That you really need
That you really need
That you really need
Even if it's not me
Want to know more about our Palliative Care Education programs? Click below: