The Takeaway: Neurotypical and neurodivergent people see, feel and experience the world differently. Those differences can create communication and relationship challenges within mixed partnerships and friendships. To avoid hurt feelings, a licensed social worker and associate professor of psychiatry recommends maintaining honest dialogue and making small, empathetic changes to build stronger connections.
Communication breakdowns and misunderstandings are at the root of many relationship challenges between both friends and romantic partners. What happens if the people involved are also running a slightly different “operating system” in their brains?
That’s the question at the heart of relationships between neurodivergent and neurotypical individuals.
“Neurodivergent is not a medical diagnosis, but an umbrella, descriptive social term for the lived experience of a group of people whose brains function differently from the everyday statistical norm,” said Emily Hemendinger, MPH, a licensed clinical social worker and associate professor of psychiatry at the CU Anschutz School of Medicine. Neurodivergent conditions range widely, from autism to bipolar disorder.
Defining neurodivergent conditions
Neurodivergent conditions that fall under the umbrella term include: ADHD, autism, dyslexia, dyspraxia, dyscalculia, Tourette's syndrome, OCD, bipolar disorder and sensory processing disorders.
While almost 1 in 5 Americans identify as neurodivergent, the presentation and experience from person to person also can vary widely. That’s why it is so important to have open, honest and vulnerable conversations with those people in your life, Hemendinger said.
“Difference doesn't mean a defect. But there is often a mismatch in expectations and processing differences when we have this kind of dynamic between neurotypical and neurodivergent individuals.”
In the following Q&A, Hemendinger outlines the main areas where challenges might arise and tips for how to build a stronger relationship foundation through better, more honest and compassionate quality time and communication.